I do TRY to see my own beauty as an exercise to better help my clients. It's a muscle I've been working on, but I don't expect muscle memory to kick in for another decade or four.
Growing up, I never felt pretty. I was darker, taller, curvier than the girls in Cosmo and Tiger Beat. We didn't have icons like J Lo or Beyonce rocking different ethnicities and round bottoms.
One day I was taunted by a girl following me all the way home screaming, "That's right, Bubble Butt! Run home crying to your mama, duck butt! Look at her with her butt sticking out!"
I tried in vain to stand tall and hide my tush.
It just... stuck out. On it's own. No matter what I tried.
Fast forward to this weekend. I spent a transformative day prancing around my studio in my undies with 10 of my close girlfriends. And I tried to hide that butt. A lifetime of trying has not made a difference. I still hear that awful girl's voice chasing me in my head.
But, the words from other girls were different this time. They were laced with the love of a good girlfriend and dare I say, admiration.
"Look at that hot tush!"
"I just want to squeeze it"
"Your butt is awesome."
And I posed for pictures. In red lacy underwear. With my butt as the subject.
A funny thing happened.
I like my butt. It only took 30 years, a sexy photo shoot, and my best friends to prove that it was photo worthy and therefore PERFECT. And even today, in my day clothes, without lashes and magic pinup hair, underneath all of this I have the body God gave me. I feel confident and beautiful.
It's easy to forget the change that happens in this studio. It's easy to go on auto and do my best to show someone else that they're beautiful. It took a shoot of ME to prove that we're more than on to something. And I can never forget that as much as this is an amazing journey for my clients, it's a beautiful journey for me to find love inside and outside my body along the way.
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